To love someone long term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. It is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way.
To be able to love one another, we must pray much, for prayer gives a clean heart and a clean heart can see God in our neighbor. If we now have no peace, it is because we have forgotten how to see God in one another.