It is hard to explain to a loving person who can only give, what the refusal to receive does to would-be givers. If our gifts come out of the substance of who we are, to refuse our gifts is a rejection of our very self. At the same time, the turning away of a gift destroys the reciprocity of love. In place of mutuality, it sets up a hierarchy of love that makes the one who always receives and whose gifts are refused feel empty, powerless, and incompetent to love well, and so unable in turn to receive from the beloved with a grateful heart.
Forgiveness is the treatment and the conditioning that helps loosen habits and patterns. When we fa1l foul of old ways, when we fail to get beyond our "stuff," despite all our good intentions, we have to forgive ourselves and try again. We have to act as compassionately toward ourselves as we would toward a child we were teaching a new skill. Forgiveness allows the process of transformation to continue by removing the obstacles that can check the flow.