... as happened a few months ago, the old question of what to do returned. Is there anything to be done? Anything I can do? I put it directly to myself -- aloud: What ... can ... I ... do? I listened. No answer. I waited. Nothing came ... nothing. The emptiness remained. Then, in the silence, quite suddenly, came the realization that the wholeness that I had been seeking and not finding was present -- not "out there" in time and space, not somewhere else, but intrinsically here and now. Silence danced through me. I saw that when the brain-mind stops churning and is still, the longed for blissful dimension is already here ... All this was seen because consciousness was not occupied. That was all. A thrilling aliveness had become a dynamic emptiness that is not void -- space filled with energy ... (with ecstasy)!
If only I listened to my own rhythm, and tried to live in accordance with it. Much of what I do is mere imitation, springs from a sense of duty or from pre-conceived notions of how people should behave. The only certainties about what is right and wrong are those which spring from sources deep inside oneself. And I say it humbly and gratefully and I mean every word of it right now, though I know I shall again grow rebellious and irritable. 'Oh God, I thank you for the sense of fulfillment I sometimes have, that fulfillment is after all nothing but being filled with you. I promise yet to strive my whole life long for beauty and harmony and also humility and true love, whispers of which I hear inside me during my best moments.'